Pick Up Your Mat and Walk
Recovering From Traumatic Failure
Chapter 1: Blues Traveler
“Your damn right I’ve got the blues, from my head down to my shoes.” Buddy Guy
Classic rock is my music of choice. After all, my formative years sliced right through the 70’s and early 80’s. My iPod is loaded with all my favorites from days gone by. Yet, it is blues music that often inspires me during times of trouble. I guess I would call it real music for real people. After Hurricane Katrina in 2005 I served in the heart of New Orleans as a volunteer Chaplain with the Billy Graham Rapid Response Team. During my time there my good friend Willie and I had the chance to go see Willie “Hambone” Lockett at the Funky Pirate Blues Bar on Bourbon Street. Their band was real cool, as you would expect, and even played nearly all of our requests, including “Mustang Sally!” Now that is something you cannot experience at a Lynryrd Skynyrd or Aerosmith concert! In between sets I handed “Hambone” a wooden cross and said, “Jesus cures the Blues.” He said, “Man, I don’t want to quit playing the blues.” I replied that he did not have to quit music. Instead, I explained that when we have the blues inside Jesus can set us free from them. He put the cross in his pocket. Upon resuming their gig the band played my requested B.B. King and Buddy Guy music.
This book is about overcoming failure and is addressed to those who have been derailed by poor personal choices. In a sense this is the human condition. Yet, sometimes we can make decisions that have disastrous consequences. Just look at the biblical heroes—Samson, Solomon, Judah, Abraham, Moses, Jacob, King David, Peter . . . the list goes on and on. Yet somehow many of us fine Christians have bought into a bill of goods that denies grace to the “worst sinners” or gives them grace with an asterisk attached! Shame on us for sometimes condemning the fallen to doom and destruction. I hope my story can paint a different picture and inspire hope for the hopeless. Of course, rather than read this book you could just read the Scriptures themselves to see countless stories of redemption from devastating life choices. However, it is good to hear real stories from contemporaries. Thus, I write with the conviction that some will be encouraged, challenged, and revived.
An additional goal I have is to encourage an atmosphere of restoration and hope in the body of Christ. Many in the Church who have blown it are hopeless because no-one has offered to them a branch of healing and recovery. It is true that some folks have some rather large skeletons in their closets. Unfortunately these fleshless bones rattle day and night as reminders of failures that have not been overcome. It is our duty as brothers and sisters in the body of the Lord Jesus to help destroy these skeletons with grace and mercy. I am not oblivious to the fact that this an uphill battle against formidable opponents, both demonic and human. My prayer is that many will experience the reverse of what happened to the dry bones of Israel in the book of Ezekiel. May the united devilish bones created by transgression and failure cease to rattle in arrogance against us, be dismantled, and come apart in a heap, no longer to haunt those whom Christ wants to be free. This is something we can all fight towards for one another. As Hebrews 12:12 says, “Strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble.”
I want to see folks in the most extreme circumstances of failure experience extravagant joy and victory. In order for this to happen we all must embrace the real Jesus and accept His unbelievably lavish gifts toward us . . . all the while wild-eyed and astounded as we understand that such grace is even on the table. For many the gift is too good to be true and thus the elusive freedom never comes. Worse still is the church that preaches such liberation and yet refuses to allow it to be received in practical terms by those who have no other way out of their predicament.
I write as one who has been to hell and back. Of course, I am not alone. There are plenty of others who have been through even worse than me and overcome far more than I. Prior to my personal fall, I had seventeen years under my belt as a Christian. I was a respected pastor and leader in my community and among my friends. Then came the blues, big-time failure followed by years of depression. I quit living. I was taken out by Satan, just as he had hoped . . . and to this end he continues to work against God’s people. I was overtaken by rejection, low self-esteem, identity crisis, humiliation, despair, fear, doubt, hopelessness and occasional thoughts of suicide. These all came rushing in and they brought their friends. I was facing the giants of the land and they were killing me.
I became a Christian in 1980 and was really fired up for Jesus. I was a rebellious teenager and then, having been set free, I eventually became a leader in our youth group. I could not get enough of the Word of God and loved to talk about the Lord. Prayers were being answered. I finished high school and went to Montreat-Anderson College North Carolina Jekyll Island , Georgia Washington State Jackson , Mississippi Roanoke , Virginia
Now I was doing what I perceived the Lord had set about for me in life: full-time Christian ministry. The lines had fallen to me in pleasant places. The church was small and beginning to show promising signs of advance after a couple of years. Then the wheels came off. Enter the blues. A year later I had resigned my pastorate, gone to jail, lost my reputation, and was in a fight for the future. All seemed lost and much was. How quickly life changed as a result of a web of bad decisions followed by devastating consequences. I went from a life on the rise to the bottom of the barrel. One of my last sermons as an official minister was on the Prodigal Son, the story of a man whose life I was emulating.
No doubt your life has been affected by the blues. It is commonplace for all of us. Perhaps that is why the book of Psalms is the favorite book of so many. It is the ultimate blues guide. The Psalms comfort because they remind us that the Lord understands the human condition. He knows about failure, sin, and all the trappings that go with them-- even though He has never experienced them Himself—though He has been punished for the same. This of course does not mean He condones or approves of failure or transgressions. Nevertheless, He does have a solution and incredible gifts to offer to those who have been devastated by the ill-fruits they have sown.
Do you think that no-one has screwed it up more than you? Does your mind tell you that the consequences you are facing are harsher than what others have had to encounter? Why have others committed similar blunders or worse and gotten off lighter than you? Do you sometimes want to give up on the Christian life and just be normal? Does it seem that God does not really care for you? Isn’t it tempting just to think that all this Jesus talk and pursuit is just a waste of time? I have thought each and every one of these thoughts. We are all in good company with people like Jeremiah, Job, Jonah, and Elijah. All of these men wanted to die because of failure—either their own or what they perceived to be God’s failing of them.
Are you angry with God because of what He allowed to happen to you? Why did He not protect you from such a fall? Yeah, I have been there also. Welcome into your world the various complaining writers of the Psalms. In that glorious book of songs we read things like, “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? (Psalm 13:1). Or consider Psalm 74 which begins, “O God, why have you rejected us forever? Many of these cherished songs are songs of lament and cries for help in the midst of distress. This indicates that our God understands our blues. In addition, it is in the Psalms that we best learn to pray about our anger and hurts. So, be honest with God about how you feel. We have a rich history of biblical heroes from the over the past four thousand years who often wore their hearts on their sleeves. This is one of the glories of the biblical record. You are not alone. Of course, most of us reading may already be aware of these failants who have gone before us. That still does not solve my personal dilemma. After all, my situation is . . . well . . . my situation. It is one thing to read about the struggles and successes of others. Altogether different is when my dirty laundry makes up the illustrations for others to view and try to learn from.
The answers may seem clear and easy and are often presented as such. Yet my life and yours are more complex as are the forces that stand in our way trying to hide our hearts and eyes from a comprehension of the healing, recovery and restoration that is available. I am not suggesting it is easy to overcome. I am just suggesting it is possible. Even further, without reservation, I say with authority that the Lord wants you to be free and fruitful once again. Yet the stark reality is that many never escape from the strong grip of the demons that attach themselves to the afterlife of failure.
For various reasons some go into thoughts of suicide or check out of life because the avenues of hope seem so slim or totally non-existent. For others the gospel message of a continuing salvation and forgiveness is just too good to be true. They can preach it to others but have a hard time accepting such lavish grace for themselves. Once the roots of the blues take hold and dig down into the depths of our being they are hard to pull out. Nor does all our biblical knowledge or theology necessarily provide any comfort. Many a man or woman with a nicely packaged theology have tossed in the towel and gotten out of the game. It is suggested at www.peacemaker.net that 1500 pastors in the United States leave their ministries each month due to moral failure, burnout, or conflict. There is little doubt in my mind that many of you reading can name a few yourself. Fortunately, the Good Shepherd and Good Physician has a way out and a remedy. The difficult part of course for all of us is the application of His solutions. I don’t know how to apply His gifts to every situation or each person. However, let us remember that Jesus not only has a cure, but He also is a master at applying the medicine to each individual case. As for my situation, I can only share my story and the way I am seeking to continually come out of the blues. I pray that my story encourages you along the road to deliverance that is available, that the bright Sonshine will shine on you, and that you will walk through the open door to full re-entry into all that God desires for you.
